Dear "Job Threatener"

Dear “I will threaten your job in order to get what I want”,

Let me first express me condolences that we sold out of the particular muffin you wanted by 2pm. I also want you to know that I take your threats very seriously of keeping my retail position based on your needs of a low fat treat. Never has there been more of a reason for someone to be let go of their current position.

I am cursing myself right now for you not getting what your heart desires. I also understand that this is most likely the only thing you eat all day long, after all, we are in the city of Angels where image is everything. I would hate for you to destroy that cougar figure you have going on by caving in to one of the other fifty low fat options we have.

Your anger over this issue is commendable, and it makes you look like a hero to all those who have had to experience the horrors of not getting the muffin they deserve. Thank you for saving me the time of giving you my bosses card, since you have already voiced your concerns of us running out of other morning delights by the afternoon to him. I hope, with all my heart that he will have the compassion to give me another chance, even if I am following a directive to cut down on the waste of such pastries in my store.

I am so grateful that someone with your people skills, and compassion, has the power to take this dream job away from me. I remember when I was little, and people asked, “what do you want to be when you grow up”, my answer was always “retail management”. I have yearned for the opportunity to work and serve, such gems of human beings like you. So, when you threaten to take this thrill out of my life, it sends chills down my spine.

I am pretty sure, it states clearly in our HR handbook, that if YOU are not provided with exactly what you want, it is absolutely cause for termination. Thank you for your delicate reminder, that you hold this dream job of mine in your hands. Also, what an absolute joy it is to discuss with my staff, and bosses, what an extreme bitch you are. Thank you for your patronage.

Sincerely,

Maggie