Internal theft... that wants to hang out

Dear “Been Caught Stealing”,

Like I said when we spoke, I’m not mad, just disappointed. Sucks right? That is like the worst thing a parent can say to you, and I feel like yours right now having to explain to you how unethical it is to take money that is not yours. I am sure you were in a tough spot, and needed the money to go on your trip to Miami. It’s hard being a thirty year old and having to actually work for your spending money, but it is in fact wrong.

The good thing is you have been working here for years so I’m sure you have a nice amount saved, or at least have had a lot of good times throughout the years with it. I can only imagine how shocked you are to finally be caught, especially by me, who has only worked with you for a month or so, what can I say? My dad being a cop and my experience as a mall security guard has made me very perceptive of what to look for in untrustworthy people. I’m just happy to be in a place in life where I can do this without having to wear a ridiculous uniform and have teenagers throw skittles at me from a parking structure. My pride may finally be restored…… or not.

Since you came to me the other day explaining that you were broke, so I bought you lunch to get you through the day I realize the large amount of money you took is probably not invested in savings somewhere. Had I known I could have saved a couple of bucks by just letting you run the register and taking what you wanted without asking for it I would have.

I will say, if it makes you feel any better, you were one late shift away from being fired for a different reason anyway. Had that happened, I still would have lied and claimed not to be mad, but rather disappointed. Because you can probably tell from this blog, the compassionate demeanor I display when having these conversations is in fact NOT what is going on in my head. I can guarantee you there are conversations I walk away from thinking I deserve an Oscar for.

Now, as for your request to keep in touch and possibly hang out in the near future, I’m going to have to regretfully decline that offer. I appreciate you telling me how much you like me and respect me, but you know that old saying, actions speak louder than words my friend. Next time you want someone to believe how much you respect them, try not taking the money that goes towards their bonus.

Sincerely,

Maggie

early closer

Dear “Employee who closed my store early”,

I pride myself on being a person who likes to give people the benefit of the doubt. Even when my first impression of you was you were an absolute “know it all” who came across as being a primadonna, I wanted to be fair and give you a chance.

I apologize for actually confronting you on your choice and putting you in that awkward situation. You must have felt so uncomfortable having to hear from me that you make wrong choices. What really disturbs me though, is how the conversation unfolded.

First of all, when I asked you if there is anything I should know about this past week and your response was “no”, I seriously thought you may be completely ignorant. Then I realized you just assumed I was.

When I gave you a second chance to be honest, and tried to give you a little help by asking specifically what happened on Monday, and your response was “what day was Monday”, I was sure you thought that not only was I ignorant, but that you were so much wiser than me, you were going to get away with this.

When I finally used a calendar to give you a visual clue that Monday was just in fact two days ago, and you responded with “Oh… you mean the customer complaint?” I started to think it may be more than just stupidity, you may have a drug problem that causes memory loss. By the way, I didn’t even know about the customer complaint, but thanks for sharing.

SO, when I finally asked you point blank why you closed the store an hour early on Monday, and you responded so calmly “oh, well I had to leave” I started to think that perhaps this had nothing to do with intelligence, and all ego. Then the last part of the conversation happened….

When I asked you why you didn’t at least call me, and you responded with “I didn’t have my phone”, it took all my willpower to ask you in a straight face why you didn’t use the store phone. I mean, I know it is a landline which is almost unheard of, but it is in fact there for you to use when you want to make judgment calls about my business. When you responded “Oh, I didn’t even think of that until just now”, I realized it wasn’t about ego, you are in fact just a moron.

Sincerely,

Maggie

Early closer again...

Dear “I also leave my keys with employees and take off”,

I’m sorry to have to write you again so soon, but it has come to my attention that not only did you close the store early Monday, but it has happened before as well.

I don’t mean to be a nag, or micromanage you either, because you are clearly capable of making sound decisions without someone giving you permission, but I just have to remind you this isn’t appropriate. I know, it’s so unfair, and I am clearly just a hardass rule follower, but I can’t help it.

I know that you told me you have never done this, but you know those little things called “camera’s”? They actually capture live images, and there is this neat little device that I can play them back on and see what happens when I’m not there. Well let me tell you, after taking the time to review the shifts where you were in charge, I am totally understanding the term “ignorance is bliss”.

That was some good shit. Not only did I get to watch you do NOTHING when I leave, but I was able to watch you close the store multiple times an hour early in the three weeks you have worked here. Considering the fact that you have worked for the company for well over five years, I am sure this isn’t just my store that is lucky enough to have you do this. I also had the joy of seeing you leave your keys with the employee I just fired for theft and take off, leaving him alone in the store for an hour. Way to go champ! Just another example of you making amazing judgment calls.

I am sure you feel like I am just harassing you now. Why should you have to listen to me? You don’t even work at my store, I am just giving you hours while your store is closed for renovation. Clearly you are doing ME the favor, not the other way around.

However, I do feel I owe you an ounce of gratitude. Now that everyone has noticed me watching the videos, there is a nice level of fear in the store. It also has given me the opportunity to share with the rest of these honey badgers that I’m not on a witch hunt, but if they are currently doing or have ever done anything unethical, I highly recommend they knock it off now, because this Nancy Drew isn’t letting anyone get away with shit.

Sincerely,

Maggie

I think she knows

Dear “I think she knows”,

I promise this is last time I write you. I noticed you didn’t show up for your shift yesterday, which is so odd for someone to do at this store… I was starting to feel a little bad about confronting you about closing the store and leaving your keys with unauthorized employees who steal. I had no idea what you were really going through…

One of the employees shared with me how scared you were after our conversations. I didn’t mean to make you so frightened. He told me how you feared what I really discovered was how much money you have been stealing from the company over the years and didn’t want to go to jail.

Let me assure you, I had no idea or any proof of the theft. I really was just going to fire you for being the ass hat to take away business for me. I am sure it must be terrifying for you now to have prior managers, current managers, and district managers trying to get a hold of you.

Really though, I just want my store keys back, you can even mail them to me because I have absolutely no desire to ever look at you again. As promised, you won’t have to deal with me anymore, I went ahead and passed on this information to those who work directly with the police to resolve these matters. You must be so relieved to not have to deal with me anymore, I know that’s how I feel about you.

I also want to give you a heads up, aside from the money, you are most likely going to have to deal with the time theft I have documented as well…. You know, for all those nights you “forgot” to clock out because you left by 8:45, but were paid until 10:30.

Let me end this by saying the past three weeks of you working here, has been such a pleasure. The gig is up dipshit. Take care!

Sincerely,

Maggie