Dear AC guy

Dear “A/C guy”,

First of all, let me say thank you for showing up. Working in this sweat shop has been extremely annoying. I never signed up do be a part of Bikram Barista, but apparently that is my life. I appreciate you trying to fix the current unit, but as I have told the five other people before you that have come in, it is a lost cause. You’ll have to excuse me for the quick introduction as I stormed into this store this morning on my day off, but as I told you in that moment, I don’t need you climbing up a ladder like those before you to look at this waste of time a/c unit. What I needed is for you to get on the phone and find out where the hell the portable unit I have been promised for the past 24 hours is.

Thank you for following my instructions, I am sure the satanic glare that I gave while sternly, yet politely demanding to do this was to say the least, frightening. You see, I haven’t had a day without dealing with this den of insanity in over a month, and it is slowly making me go insane. I am sure there was a small moment in our interaction where you just may have been scared for your own life, rightfully so, I am about one more day away from going Dexter on this place.

I can’t explain to you how relieved I was to see how quickly you brought the unit in after my demands, and I could tell you were able to sense my gratitude. What I need you to understand however, is that it was in fact just pure professional gratitude. I did not mean to mislead you while signing the invoice and casually talking to you. While I appreciate your compliment that I seem like a good time to hang out with, I have to say with all honesty that there was a time in my life where I used to be. That time ended when I came to this time consuming soul sucking place. As for your invitation to get together some time, you’ll have to excuse me, I am not used to be hitting on in social situations, much less in a professional setting.

I do commend you though for that bold move of kissing me on the cheek as I tried to shake your hand to say goodbye, and I REALLY appreciate you doing said move in front of my whole staff. As romantic as the entire situation is, I can say with entire certainty, you and I will not have any romantic outings anytime soon, I have to extend to you a phrase my sisters say often, just because you don’t want to go to the party, it’s nice to be invited. Unfortunately, it takes a lot more than an almost useless a/c unit to be my knight in shining armor, and just know that if this breaks down, I will do everything in my power to fix it myself before I have to call it in and go through this awkwardness again.

Sincerely,

Maggie