The case of the missing money

Dear “Get me my money”,

Let us replay what just happened as if it was a script:

MAGGIE, a plain woman in her mid thirties sits in her barren Brooklyn apartment, dark circles cascade her eyes, she is attempting a light hearted discussion with her dear friend Bob across the country in San Francisco.

MAGGIE

I don’t know Bob, I am trying to

write, but every time I have the time

to do it, some sort of work thing comes

up and I’m broken out of it.

Just as Maggie finishes her sentence she gets a call on her other line, it is an unfamiliar number.

BOB

That sucks.

MAGGIE

Speaking of, I am sure that is a

Work related call on the other line.

Let me call you back, if I don’t answer

they will keep calling until I do.

Maggie Clicks over to the other line, she shifts in her chair from a relaxed position to a stance ready to take on a penalty kick in a world cup game.

MAGGIE

Hello?

A voice echoes from the other line as if the person is in a hallowed place. JANE answers in a hurried voice.

JANE

Hi Maggie, I have a situation I

need immediate help with. I had

$50 in my purse this morning

and when I went to put it in the

bank I noticed it was missing.

Jane waits with baited breath on the other end of the line, Maggie ends her pause with a prompting phrase

MAGGIE

Okay…..

Jane immediately jumps back into her story.

JANE

Well I came back to the store

Immediately and checked where

My bag was last. I noticed Jim’s

Wallet had money hanging out of

It. I asked Jim to show me all of his

Stuff. When he opened his wallet I

Noticed he had a $50 bill in it.

Maggie sat up further in her chair.

MAGGIE

Um, what did Jim say?

JANE

He said it was his.

MAGGIE

Where is Jim now?

JANE

He’s right here, I’m calling from

His phone, I didn’t want to make a

Scene.

MAGGIE

Uh, where are you guys right now?

JANE

In the bathroom. With the door locked.

Maggie gets up from her chair and immediately goes to her refrigerator to open a bottle of Prosecco. Most would use this in times of celebration, Maggie on the other hand has grown accustomed to drinking this on her day off to deal with over the top work situations she can’t seem to escape from.

MAGGIE

Ok, pass the phone to Jim.

Immediately a male voice is on the phone.

JIM

Hi Maggie.

MAGGIE

Hey Jim, what’s going on?

Maggie slams her first glass of Prosecco.

JIM

Well, Jane said something was

Taken from her bag, so she asked

me to empty my bag and

show her my pockets and my

Wallet. I let her search me in the

Bathroom, because I can understand

She’s upset. I had a $50 bill in my wallet.

MAGGIE

Is it yours?

Maggie pours another glass of Prosecco.

JIM

Yea. I need a new ATM card, but

I have had this in my wallet since last

Week, I’m going to deposit it as soon

As I can.

Maggie thinks more and more about how she hates her job while talking to two employees locked in the bathroom on her day off.

MAGGIE

Ok, I need you to write down a statement

Of exactly what happened. Stick to facts

From the moment your interaction started.

Can you pass your phone back to Jane?

Jim agrees and within seconds Jane voice returns to the phone.

JANE

Hello?

MAGGIE

Ok, Jane I need you to write a written

Statement of everything that has happened

Since you discovered this scenario. Write

It down now while it’s fresh in your head.

I need to make some phone calls and get

Others involved in this.

JANE

Well what are you going to do about

My $50?

Maggie thinks for a moment about whether to pour another glass or just hit herself over the head with the bottle.

MAGGIE

At this moment I can’t do anything. Is

There an emergency you need the money for?

JANE

Well I was depositing it in an account.

MAGGIE

For a bill?

JANE

No, but I need my $50.

Maggie now realizes hitting herself over the head with the bottle is not enough.

MAGGIE

I understand that, and I am not

making light of this situation, I will

make sure I follow up on this until

we know what happened, and you

get your money back, but in the

meantime we need to check all possibilities

before we accuse anyone.

Jane let’s out a sigh of disappointment on the other end of the line.

JANE

Fine, so I guess you’re not going to

Fix this until tomorrow?

MAGGIE

Unfortunately I can’t, I’m not there

and we need to talk to everyone. I also

need you to not keep someone locked up

in the bathroom with you right now.

JANE

Fine, I guess I’ll talk to you about it

In the morning.

FADE OUT.

Now, I hope reading that in this fashion you can understand that I genuinely couldn’t do anything in that moment. I am not telling you that I won’t do anything about it, but I am showing you that I can’t justify keeping another employee locked in the bathroom with you while I am on the phone just because you forced him to show you his wallet and he had money in it.

I have no doubt that you are appalled right now at my inability to fix your problem right then and there on my day off. After all, I know that you believe in your heart of hearts that I have absolutely nothing better to do in my spare time than to fix everything that happens to all of you in an instant.

You will also notice that I am not dismissing this, or telling you there is nothing I can do about it, because believe me when I tell you I will figure this out. However, certain steps need to happen first, and before I get in a situation where I am in trouble for allowing an employee to hold another employee for interrogation in a locked bathroom with me on the phone, I actually have to handle this in an appropriate manor. I understand the idea of what is appropriate is lost on most of you there, so I’m not going to go into it right now, but trust me when I tell you it is important.

Believe me when I tell you if it was absolutely necessary that you needed to pay something with that $50, I would have made sure that happened. However, the need to merely deposit the money for the future says to me we can rectify this when I am there. Without holding anyone captive either. Once again I apologize for failing your expectations of what my job requires me to do, but let me assure you, solving a mystery via phone with an employee kept hostage in the restroom is not in my job description.

Sincerely,

Maggie