Cherry Coke Stealer

Dear “Man Demanding my can of Cherry Coke”,

Let me first of all point out that is just plain rude. You don’t walk up to a stranger demanding their delicious beverage, I don’t care how cracked out you are. As you can also see, I am just leaving work, and all day long I have thought about how delicious this little can of heaven was going to taste on my way home. You cannot have it.

You should be able to tell by the way the can is becoming distorted in my hand, I have an iron grip on this, and there is no way in hell you’re going to get it. I am sure that any other person at this moment in time would just cave in to the scary nature of you, but what you don’t understand is I just finished dealing with and caving in to demanding people all day long, because that is what I am paid to do. You picked the wrong lady buddy, because on my time off the clock, I’ll be damned if I am going to cave into anyone else’s demands. Clearly, I’m ready to be assaulted over a can of cherry coke right now, that is how serious I am about this mentality.

I wish I could say that I am sorry our security staff tackled you outside, but I’m not. Again, you were rude, and I wish they had the authority to do that to every rude person I encounter everyday, not just the threatening one’s outside the building I run into. Furthermore, I think you owe me an apology because this is now warm and flat from my firm grip on it during our encounter.

Enjoy your time incarcerated tonight scumbag, and please don’t ever mess with a retail worker leaving work again. You’re not going to win.

Sincerely,

Maggie

Note to reader, if that reader is my mom, don’t worry this happened years ago in SF, not New York. Also, I drink diet coke now, far less appealing to crack addicts so I am safe.