Phantom Pooper

Dear “Phanton Pooper”,

I absolutely understand when you have to go, you have to go. But, the classical section I feel is a bit obscene. No one wants to come across this crap (literally) while trying to help a customer find some composer we ourselves don’t even know how to pronounce. I know you think this is probably a “safe” place for you to relieve yourself, since none of us go in here, because we don’t understand how to file these cd’s, much less help somebody find one, but still, inappropriate.

I have thought long and hard about why someone would do such a thing, we are after all in a city that loves to protest. So perhaps this is a personal statement from you about how you feel about this particular genre. But really? Does classical music deserve to be shit on? I could understand it if it were near the Fine Young Cannibals, I would almost appreciate it, but not classical.

Let me also explain to you, someone actually has to clean this up. This isn’t like getting home first and pretending that you didn’t noticed the family dog has gone in the living room (not that I would EVER do such a thing), this is a place of business, and needs to be taken care of immediately. So now, I get to add cleaning up human feces to my list of things I accomplished at my dream job today. I can’t thank you enough for that. It just makes me want to brag to my family even more about what I am doing with my life.

Now, this is the third time in the past month, you have pulled such a stunt, and I don’t even want to know what this form of excitement brings to you, because it is far too disturbing for me to think about. I would like to ask of you, as a simple favor, the next time you want to make silly statements, just tag something, you know, like my employees do in the store. I will have so much more respect for you.

Sincerely,

Maggie