Dear Self

Dear Self,

I know when you went out last night with your friends, you had faith in yourself that you could perform your job duties the next day, because…. Well, you work in retail and it is not rocket science. However, you need to remind yourself of the self control it takes to “fake it ‘till you make it” while living this dream.

Here are some tips:

#1. When you are getting ready to leave dinner and someone prefaces something with “I know this is probably a bad idea, but…. “ no matter what comes after that, your friend is right. It’s a bad Idea.

#2. If when singing “That’s what Friends are For” at 2am seems like the most fun you could EVER have, it’s time to go home. Yes, your job is mindless, but dealing with the public requires a certain amount of self-awareness. None of which you will have tomorrow. Your choices this evening will make your next day at work more unbearable than you could ever imagine.

#3. If meeting an Egyptian cab driver who offers you Cool Ranch Doritos seems like the nicest thing anyone has ever offered you, it is another sign to go home. You can buy your own Doritos for 99 cents, and you wouldn’t do that anyway. Why? Because realistically, it just doesn’t make sense that they are the same price today as they were in 1990.

At this age in your life, being impressed that “at least you are at work” doesn’t cut it anymore. The smell of steamed milk, the angry glares, and dealing with just plain ridiculous demands on two hours of sleep is going to make you remember that little Dionne Warwick and friends ditty as a death metal song. No one deserves for such a beautiful anthem to be ruined in this way.

When you say “Thank you, have a wonderful day” you need to make it believable. Today it is translating to “Thanks a lot, leave me alone”. Dionne would have wanted you to keep smilin’ and keep shinin’, but today you can’t count on her, you can’t even count on yourself. Shame on you. No more going out on school nights.

Sincerely,

Maggie