Lack of Common Sense employee

Dear “Lack of Common Sense Employee”,

I consider myself to be a rather patient person when it comes to training and expectations. I also should have trusted my gut when I didn’t hire you after that teeth pulling interview, but your persistence of coming back every week for two months made me really want to give you a chance. Well that, and I couldn’t get anyone here to actually show up for work consistently because this job is just annoying.

Anyway, I am so willing to work with you, but when I find you standing over a sink in back not knowing how to make the water go down, it’s a red flag. First let me give you the answer to this predicament again, reach in and pull the plug out. Also, reminding you that you can actually do something else while that water goes down, instead of staring at it is what we around here like to call multi-tasking.

Another reminder, when you need to grind beans for a guest, it is best to put the bag under the grinder so the grinds fall into the bag and not on the counter. Should you keep forgetting this important step in the process, let me remind you that it is definitely not ok to take one of our cleaning brushes and brush the grinds from the dirty counter into the bag and proceed to hand them to the guest. I get a lot of crazy complaints around here dear, but I hate to tell you, this is one of the valid ones.

I hear that you will be leaving us soon for NYU in the fall. I would be lying if I didn’t say I was shocked to hear your parents were going to let you go to New York by yourself, but I wish you the best of luck. As for your question of whether or not you can work here over Christmas break, I’m going to have to say no. I don’t think a few weeks is going to be enough time to give you that refresher course on sweeping. You almost mastered it too, like I said, the key is to use two hands. I’m sorry we never got around to the art of mopping. I do wish you the best though, and hey, thank you for at least showing up to your one four hour shift a week on time. You have everyone here beat on time and attendance.

Sincerely,

Maggie