Mr. Paranoid to give his name

Dear “Mr. Paranoid to give his name”,

You demanded to know why we need this information from you, and I am going to do my best to try and explain. We have what we call a system here, and in fact, many are used to it. We take your order, as well as the other fifty customers in this ten minute time span. We then continue to make what you want, and when it’s ready, we will call out to you to let you know you can pick it up.

Let me ease your fears and ensure you, we will not use it to become your facebook friend, put you on a mailing list, or open a credit card in your name. In fact, we don’t even need your full name. Actually, we don’t even need your REAL name. I can see you are still completely and totally offended by this practice, and rightfully so, when you think about it, it is just down right rude.

I would be happy to give you a name, but I think you might find that even more offensive. The names for you floating around in my head right now, are nothing I would want given to me.

I can only imagine how shocked you are do discover most people aren’t offended by this blatant intrusion of privacy. Might I recommend you order a drip coffee, we don’t care to know the names of these people. We don’t need them in our database of names, we only target the upper echelon of coffee drinkers.

I commend you for taking a strong stance on such an important issue. And I respect your decision to not give a name. I wish you luck figuring out when your drink is ready. Have a great day!

Sincerely,

Maggie